I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize