i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
