i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just invented taco cereal.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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