how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
