i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
two words...techno handjob
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
