He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
