How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
