threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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