Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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