those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
last night I used snow as a chaser
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
