I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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