Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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