3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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