cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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