I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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