one word: firstdatebathroomanal
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
