She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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