M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
