Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
