wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
