I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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