all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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