i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
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