dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
