i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
