I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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