just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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