You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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