you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You have to summon your inner elephant
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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