omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You are a genius and a whore.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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