Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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