I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
This house was built for laser tag.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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