The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
either way he was missing a nipple.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
