you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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