I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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