Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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