We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
