I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
