Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
