I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
