I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
