after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
