how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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