I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
