Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
