He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So much Jack, so little girl.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
