I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
