All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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