I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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