You're earring is so big in my mouth
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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