Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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