I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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