now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
