My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
