watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize