Got a toothbrush?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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