my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
