so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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