My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
