Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
