i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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