Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
