Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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