drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
