Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
