I'm jealous of your bromance
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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