Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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