Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
