nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize