im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
