I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
