I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
