kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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