Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize