my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
