It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
