Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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