I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I intend to get homeless drunk
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
