I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
