I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
