this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
