the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
